5 Time Management Tips for Personal Growth and Creativity – ep 121

Mostafa Hosseini  00:02

Hello and welcome. In this episode, you will discover new tools that will allow you to better manage your time, you will discover how to overcome that analysis, paralysis of decision making, and how to access your strength to get things done without sabotage, or struggle. couple of announcements, this is the last episode for the year, it has been another year and we’re like almost two weeks away from entering 2023.

And another announcement is that we’re shutting down the show. And we’re starting a new show in 2023. And so basically, what’s happening is that we are basically what’s happening is we are renaming the show, okay. And we have a new brand new name. And that’s all exciting. And you’ll see that in the new year. And that’s what we’ll do. So let me introduce my guest. My guest today is ruettiger Fein, welcome to tea towel, my

Rahti Gorfien  01:08

Hello, it’s so good to be here.

Mostafa Hosseini  01:10

Great to see you. And I look forward to our conversation we’re talking

Rahti Gorfien  01:13

about on the last show of this version of it. Yes.

Mostafa Hosseini  01:17

And so we’re talking about mastering the clock and time management and rest of it today. Let me do the proper introduction to retreat. And we’re going to dive into a very interesting conversation. If you know anyone that could benefit from time management and learning a few tips and tricks, share the link with them right now.

You could bring them live and or later and make sure to you like and subscribe to the show on whichever channel that is you’re watching now. for over 25 years ruettiger Fein has been coaching independent creative professionals such as writers, artists, healers and entrepreneurs who are scattered and overwhelmed.

As a professionally certified career and ADHD coach, she helps her clients focus so they can grab the focus of others get seen and make money doing what they love. Er T has been recognized three times by experts.com by expertise.com. As one of the 15 best life coaches in New York City. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband, son and their dog, Pokey, Pokey, pokey

Rahti Gorfien  02:26

rest and Pooky died in peace died last night, everybody just let me know.

Mostafa Hosseini  02:31

I’m sorry to hear that. And dot Pokey, who is rightly considered a neighborhood celebrity or was considered a neighborhood

Rahti Gorfien  02:39

celebrity. Now he’s a neighborhood saint.

Mostafa Hosseini  02:41

Yes. So um, you’re in Brooklyn. What’s it like out there right now?

Rahti Gorfien  02:48

I love it out here. Man. I’m so blessed to live in this area in this neighborhood. It’s freezing though.

Mostafa Hosseini  02:53

Is it? Yeah. I thought only we it’s like freezing only in Canada.

Rahti Gorfien  02:59

Well, I’m probably worse compared to people who live there. They they wouldn’t say it’s freezing, I guess.

Mostafa Hosseini  03:05

Okay, it’s surprisingly warm up here in Calgary. It’s like about zero degrees Celsius. That’s warm for us for this time of year. And it’s not too bad. Actually, you can walk outside. So we’re talking about time management. And this is a an interesting topic. Again, gang. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to pop put them in in a comment on whichever channel you’re watching. We’ll do our best to respond to your questions and we’ll go from there. Now. Let’s get started. Retief. What is your story?

Rahti Gorfien  03:35

All right. Well, I would say that my story began on a stage in New Haven. Underneath a couch I was playing a corpse I had big army boots on it was the play was Tom Stoppard’s the real inspector hound. And I was probably 15 years old. And Meryl Streep, who was at the Yale School of Drama at the time, was flouncing back and forth across my legs in a gold landmark lamb a gown and I was the best corpse you couldn’t tell I was.

I didn’t breathe for like an hour and 45 minutes and after the show, I ran over to my dad. And I said so what do you think? And he said to me, you know that blonde gals gonna make it meaning Meryl Streep. Now of course as a 15 year old I needed him to say you were the best corpse you I couldn’t eat see you move. How did you do that? But it planted the seed I made a decision if I was going to be an actress of any worth or consequence, I had to be Meryl Streep. So that belief shot me on this journey of Chronic disappointment, right because ah

Rahti Gorfien  05:14

I’m back. Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  05:14

I lost you for a second. Okay.

Rahti Gorfien  05:17

Well after many years of disappointment

Rahti Gorfien  05:28

and we’re back I hope for a minute. Yes. Yes,

Mostafa Hosseini  05:32

I got you. Good. Thank

Rahti Gorfien  05:34

you. And I found out that my worth was not related to what I did or didn’t do, or my success in any way. Fast forward. I left the ashram I like to say that I was one of the few people ever kicked out of a cult because I was starting to get frustrated. The guru’s vision was no longer mine. I wanted to be an actress.

 Long story short, I was acting out a lot. So I I ended up back in New York. But what I had learned at the Tron was the company is stronger than will company is stronger than will I couldn’t do this alone, and started creating support systems around myself, based on the work of Barbara Usher, who wrote witchcraft. And Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way I was helping, I was fertility facilitating these groups, and people were getting things done.

 I had a friend who was a an elementary school teacher in the public school system. And she opened a store on Lexington Avenue, I had another friend who became a DJ, I started a successful yoga practice to support myself and my, I was finally married. At that point, my husband said, you’re good, you should start charging for this. I didn’t know what this was, until I found that it was this thing called coaching. But I’d never been trained, got some training in it. And it was a lot more fun than cleaning houses or being a cater waiter. And it ticked all the boxes in terms of transferable skills.

As an actor, you have to be able to listen, you have to understand story and narrative. And as a playwright, I have to know how to structure a story and help as a coach, I help other people restructure their stories based on based on their beliefs. And it turned out that that was the profession. This that was the profession. I was supposed to be in coaching. And that’s why I believe all life is cumulative. And there’s never a wasted moment.

Mostafa Hosseini  07:34

Fantastic. Love that story. So what do you do these these days? And who do you serve? Well,

Rahti Gorfien  07:40

as you said, I work with creatives, which include app developers, filmmakers, entrepreneurs of all kinds, what they have in common, is they feel pulled in 50 directions. Now, I would say 90% of my clients are diagnosed with ADHD not all. And they’re all very anxious about time and wasting it and not being where they think they should be by them, etc.

Mostafa Hosseini  08:13

Gang, if you haven’t, if you’re watching and you have any questions or comments about time management, or any questions for routine, put them in a comment and make sure you’re like and subscribe to the show. Love it.

So I mean, working creatives, it’s like herding cats basically. Right? I mean, I mean, most entrepreneurs that I know who we have add our attention is all over the place. And if there’s like a DD or ADHD and you’re working with creatives, I think you’re working with like a tough crowd. Am I on the wrong track?

Rahti Gorfien  08:45

Oh, well, you know, they peep I think a coach once said that if you want to know your ideal client, look in the mirror, and I think there’s a lot to be said for that. I have my own neuro diversity issues. So I never thought I’d want to coach people with ADHD actually, at one point and then it’s all I’m doing so and I realized that I get it.

Mostafa Hosseini  09:06

Does that mean that you have ADHD as well yourself?

Rahti Gorfien  09:09

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t formally diagnosed. I am open about my neurodiversity. Though I was diagnosed as bipolar. I have a very close relative who has ADHD and I believe, if I were to take the test, I might. But what because coaches aren’t diagnostician diagnosticians. What really matters to me are the traits that people with ADHD have, and are very common to a lot of creatives. Right?

You know, it’s just like, I like to say that just because there are circus performers on the train on the airplane, it doesn’t mean that the pilot needs to know how to juggle. Right? I have the skill set.

Mostafa Hosseini  09:52

Right? I think people with a DD or ADHD ADHD are are smart people. I don’t see it as a as a as a candidate. under a disease, it’s kind of like, because I’ve seen a lot of people who are like to have a DD or at ADHD. And when they do or focus on something that they love they like or love, they are super focused. Right? Right. That’s right. I don’t see it as a condition or someone that’s like, You got to take a pill like I’m fine.

Rahti Gorfien  10:21

superpower. And of course, as with all superpowers, it’s got its inherent strengths and weaknesses. I mean, Superman was Superman, but then don’t put them near kryptonite, right? There are problems with any brain wiring, you know, you could be really cognitive and rational and then you have no ability to empathize with people. So, yeah, it’s just how to drive the car that is your brain.

Mostafa Hosseini  10:51

Absolutely. So Richie, what is your definition of time management?

Rahti Gorfien  10:55

You know, I used to say time management was bull. Because time marches on, no matter what you do, all that really exists is priority management. And actually, I’ve changed my tune on that. Because I’m very intrigued by the idea of Einstein time. Yes, is versus Newton time, right? Newton time is linear, right? In a nutshell, Einstein Time, we are not the victim of time, we are the source of time. And, you know, you know, when you’re with someone you love, or as you said, you’re working on a project that intrigues you, time passes and minutes, hours pass in minutes.

 Whereas if you’re where you don’t want to be or you’re in physical pain, and you’re resisting whatever’s going on time is for ever. And it’s so really, I think, time management has to do with shifting your relationship to time and realizing that you are its source, it’s why you can get so much done in the last hour of work, because your attention is fully there. Whereas the rest of the day, you might be going well, how am I going to fill my time? Which is not good for ADHD? Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  12:18

Yeah, it’s interesting. When When, when when you enjoy something, time flies, and it’s probably the perspective matter of perspective, right? Like when we’re when we’re bored out of our minds sitting at home, and we’re just like, Oh, my God, this is so boring. Time doesn’t go very fast. But when we’re happy things like go fast. How the older we get time seems to go by faster. I

Rahti Gorfien  12:41

wonder if that’s because we’re happier, the older we get. I like it’s part of it. I

Mostafa Hosseini  12:46

know. You’re just one by like. It’s interesting. What is your approach to time management? How do you deal with it? Well,

Rahti Gorfien  13:02

given that I do, I think I’ve always intuitively gone with the idea that we are the source of time. I am not prescriptive with clients. So I don’t tell them, let’s figure out your schedule from nine to 11, you’re going to do this, that won’t work. I help the client dig into their relationship to time. And what where they feel most alive in and making sure also that they are scheduling big, uninterrupted chunks of time to do their creative work. Right.

Multitasking, first of all, it’s, I do think it’s a myth where just task switching. And it’s and you’re not taking into account transition time for your brain to transition. So I really try to convince people don’t expect your self to work on your novel. If you’re going to be spending eight hours at your day job. You’re not going to come home and get yourself to do it. We have to you know, I take the last week of the month off to work on content. And I just finished a book that’s been published by Rutledge in 23.

But it was the last week of the month in which I wrote it. I didn’t even I didn’t try to turn my mind to it. So that’s the first thing and if you’re not a morning person, don’t try to be a morning. Here’s the thing about entrepreneurs. No, it’s good that we are a lot of us have ADHD because we have no business working for anyone else. We have no business pretending we can adhere to someone else’s timeframe. On one hand, then there are people with ADHD that imposed structure and the stress of being fired is actually a blessing.

And then when they retire they fall apart because they have to figure out their own relationship to time. Right? But I start, I ask questions that because I consider the client, the expert, I’m not the consultant comes in, they’re the expert, a coat with a coach, we are trying to help you access your inner knowing in terms of what will work because we have all succeeded at something in the past. And that moment in time had held a lot of information about the way we tick and the way we work best

Mostafa Hosseini  15:33

shape. You talked about the uncertain time, and I read about that definition in Gay Hendricks book, The Big Leap. Yeah, great book. And I’ll be honest with you, I did not quite get it what he described like the beginning of the book, like three quarters of the book, I got it. But the last piece of our time. I don’t have a good idea. What What do you mean by Einstein Time? And how does it work?

Rahti Gorfien  15:58

Well, I’ll tell you, I’m I’m not, I don’t know that I really could explain it scientifically, either. What’s your definition of Einstein Time? To me, Einstein Time has to do with taking full responsibility for your time. And so if you, if you’re feeling bored, then you need to put your attention on what you want to be doing. Not, you know, when people get distracted with ADHD, because pain, boredom is painful, can be physically people get headaches from boredom with ABD.

However, if you’re saying, Okay, I am the source of time, and I’m bored. What do I want to create? Because I will die. That’s the other thing. When you know, time is precious, you’re the source of it. And once you’re gone, the time is gone. Then you stop saying things to people, like, oh, I don’t have time to get together. You choose not to get together with that person, because it’s not worth your time. You know, wherever you are, if if time is going really slowly. You want to find out what what Where are you you’re not fully present. Right? You’re not fully intrigued with your moment, you know, the science behind, you know, the, you know, the theory of relativity, I can’t explain that science.

I just, you know, I mean, I just know that if a man is falling through space, he feels he weighs nothing on a scale, you know, you know, and the closer he gets to gravity, that you’re going to start to have weight, again, because of the pull of gravity. But when you’re just falling through space, there is no weight, or time. And so that means it’s malleable. And I find that if I don’t rush. And I’m just really present and mindful that I have all the time I need to do anything.

 It’s you know, I’m sure that you know, there’s the scientific explanation, I can’t give it to you, I can give you the woowoo explanation. I know that rushing slows you down. You know, when you rush through things, you miss half of what just happened and you make mistakes, you end up having to backtrack. When you move when you move slowly and consciously through time, mindfully. It does feel like you’ve got all the time in the world. So it’s a kind of it’s a visceral, intuitive understanding for me of that of that law.

Mostafa Hosseini  19:06

So I’ve been experiencing with that calmness and mindfulness for the past. Probably month or so I came across this guy named navall Raava Khan. Do you know him? I think he’s gonna be the Silicon Valley guy. He’s like entrepreneur, blue guy, pretty successful. And he has meditation methods. Probably not his but he talked about his meditation method we’ll all share like real quick that as you sit down for an hour and you do nothing, you let your mind do what it wants to do. And then it just your mind goes around and in about half an hour to 45 minutes.

The mind is done doing its crazy things and it kind of calms down. And I’ve tried in practice many different meditation methods not I which I really fell in love with. But I really fell in love with this one. Which is like your I’m not trying to control my mind. I let my mind do its thing and Get Danny relaxes. And it has really affected my daily activities and my results and like the results have been immediate for me.

Rahti Gorfien  20:09

Wow. So what happens when it’s when your mind finally calms down and

Mostafa Hosseini  20:14

this feeling of it, it’s a calm feeling. And it’s like this, this this rush of energy through my body. And sometimes I feel sleepy when I’m like this morning, I actually fell asleep. And so at the beginning, it’s like it’s going around. And you know, I heard this guy in the Poshmark course talking about the mind. It’s like a monkey that is, you know, jumping from one branch to another branch on a tree.

So when it’s done doing that, then it just gets to this calm state, and it’s beautiful. And I can feel it throughout the day. And it has helped me with decision making and the rest of it. So obviously, there’s like different How do you do your do you do meditation?

Rahti Gorfien  20:56

Yeah, that’s funny. I did, I did one of the 10 day silent Vipassana meditation retreats. And it was very it’s fun it in theory, it’s similar to the mindful this technique I teach in my practice, which is the method developed by Shirzad shameen who wrote Positive Intelligence is really a purely a you’re just aware of, you’re just tuning into body sensations systematically from from toe to head, just observing without thinking or commenting on bodily reactions on just your body.

And it’s amazing. You don’t think you can sit for an hour, but you sit for an hour and the proof is healed my Heiser I actually healed my eyesight. After that I three days into that retreat. I was very nearsighted. I, three days into that retreat, I started seeing the definition of the leaves on the trees. And I came back and I got an eye test. And I was no longer nearsighted. I don’t have to have that on my driver’s license anymore. So very deep, shifted. Yeah, relaxed.

And the thing about letting the mind go all over, I don’t know that I’ve had, I’m going to try that. I’m going to give it a try. I think for folks who, who tend to be creative, and I don’t know, it’s different for everybody. I am afraid that I would just, I could sit and daydream all day, my mind could just go all day, and it’s about stopping your thoughts. It’s about not diving into and following them. Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  22:40

What I really love about this method is like, it lets your mind do its thing. And then it calms down. And when this guy was talking to us, it’s it was like music to my ears like, oh, because I’ve got a busy mind, like my I’ve got, my mind is both creative and analytical. So it’s like racing all day long. So the idea of letting

Rahti Gorfien  23:01

less be sorry

Mostafa Hosseini  23:06

that you have that in my mind calm down so that I can make better decisions and get it understanding in a conscious

Rahti Gorfien  23:12

calm down that it really did. It wasn’t you, he said, let your mind go everywhere. But did he also have an instruction work to follow any traffic?

Mostafa Hosseini  23:23

Exactly. It’s just you’re not following. You’re not judging, you’re not filtering and you just let it do its thing. Right. We’re sorry, you’re not guiding nothing. You just let your mind and you let yourself be. And then some and some days, though, like an hour is not enough. Some days, I just keeps racing, which if I didn’t have things to do, I don’t know sometimes. So here’s another dilemma. Yeah. Well, some days when I tried to do my meditation in the morning, the brain goes, Oh, we have things to do. And I’m like, Dude, shut up. I need to I need to, I actually need to do this. So I can calm down and actually take care of this stuff that I have to do. So I can make better decisions. And so yeah, to me, like right now, there’s nothing more important than calming my mind down so I actually can deliver one or two good decisions per day. That’s

Rahti Gorfien  24:17

why it’s so important. I have all my clients at some point or another do some, when I found this piece is Positive Intelligence, mindfulness, though it was a godsend because people don’t think they can sit and meditate. And especially if you have ADHD, and actually, a lot of people with ADHD are incredibly good meditators. Once they understand what it is, see, you know that yes, it’s you don’t try to control where your mind goes.

The key though is you’re you’re sitting on the banks. Let’s say your thoughts are a river. You’re not diving into the river. You’re just sitting on the riverbank and you’re letting the river go by that That’s the key. And if you sit long enough doing that without diving into the river, then yeah, you’re gonna find the stillness. But with Positive Intelligence, it’s very interesting. You can do that, like if you’d put two fingers together right now. And you rather I invite everybody listening to do that, just put your two fingers together. And if you want to close your eyes, it helps focus.

And I want you to rub your fingers with attention, that you can feel the riches in your fingertips. Yeah. Just just do that for a second, just quiet for a second. And your your mind may wander, just bring it back to the ridges in your fingertips.

Rahti Gorfien  25:53

Now, I don’t want to take up a lot of time, because this is a show people listen to but notice, do you feel like I find your calm down, it’s once you do that you’re bringing yourself right into the moment of all that is is is your presence, sensation calms you down. Right away, you don’t have to sit for an hour. You can, you could do 10 deep breaths, you could just watch your breathing for two minutes.

That’s all. That’s all it takes. You know, it may, you may need more if you’re really hijacked emotionally, of course. But we all have the capacity to seize control of our time by seizing control of our mind by having developing the mental fitness and focus through these mindfulness techniques to decide what we want to do with our time where we’re going to put our focus when it’s a lifelong practice now.

Mostafa Hosseini  26:59

Absolutely. So we promise people to go over how to overcome analysis paralysis. Yeah, with decisions and things that are going around us. What’s your take on that? Analysis?

Rahti Gorfien  27:13

Paralysis? Well, here’s, you know, what I my coach, Monica Shaw, wonderful, wonderful coach. I remember her saying, The secret to decision making is deciding that whatever you decide is right. And what I love about that is the fact is, you know, a decision is just, it’s a choice that gives the universe more information. You will get feedback. If you can shift out of the mindset that making mistakes is bad. And then you can start to make decisions more quickly. The problem with staying in analysis paralysis is it totally curtails progress. Whereas no matter what choice you make, you’re going to stay moving towards your goal, you may have to adjust the trajectory. You know, however, I think it’s more important to make a decision, then, to make what you think might be the right one, I’m not saying do do your due diligence, don’t do your due diligence.

But you’re never going to have all the information. So I mean, I heard this wonderful story about an Army General, who was meeting with a bunch of officers about a battle strategy. And the man who wrote this book, and I don’t remember what it was, he was like an underling, a low level officer who was like the secretary of that meeting, everybody was debating. And at the end of an hour, the general slammed his hand on the table and said, Okay, we’re going to do this.

 People weren’t finished debating. And afterwards, the guy, the officer asked, How did you know? How did you know what to do? And the general said, Well, I heard enough, and we will never, we will never have all the information we need. I don’t know. But we had to make a decision one way or another. So if you can stop being precious with decisions and make them more like experiments, I’m going to experiment. I’m just going to choose this and see what happens.

I think you’re gonna move through that analysis paralysis. I would even put a timer on Okay, I’m gonna give my depending on the decision, like if you’re in the cookie aisle, and you’re spending 20 minutes deciding between Oreos and peanut cream thing. You know, just play around. Don’t you don’t get the 20 minutes set a timer.

For 30 seconds, and then just grab a bag, a bag of cookies, we have trained ourselves not to indulge that hyper analysis, which is really the that’s really your amygdala, your your fear center, it’s not your cognitive knowing. Go with your gut. That’s where that expression comes from.

Mostafa Hosseini  30:21

Absolutely. I was listening to a summary from the same Taleb the skin in the game, name of the book, they and this guy said, based on what I read here, the best thing we could do, the higher highest form of acting is to make to risk and make a mistake we can learn from, that’s like, and when I heard I was like, that is just beautiful. That’s the best thing you could do is to risk something and make a mistake. So you can learn from Yeah. And so I think a lot of us are scared of making mistakes. But then if we don’t make mistakes, we won’t learn things.

Rahti Gorfien  30:59

That is right. I mean, absolutely. So many careers have begun and ended before they even started. Because someone was stuck in their head and I can’t get the line on the paper. Right. So you know, are, you know, if I can’t play guitar likes to go via I’m not going to play guitar, you know, at so many. You know, I mean, for me, one thing I have to say for my younger self is she dove in headfirst, she made a big old mess.

Yeah, if I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have learned everything I have. And I’m so grateful for every mistake I’ve ever made.

Mostafa Hosseini  31:42

Yeah. I mean, you wouldn’t have all the knowledge and experience, you know, right. But the other part is like, I think society and the maybe the school system is training us to not make mistakes, because people that make mistakes or mistakes are punished. They get lower grades, and they get like put down by the school system.

They’re saying, you know, you’re not good enough? Because you didn’t your grade is not as high. You weren’t, you weren’t right enough. Yeah,

Rahti Gorfien  32:12

there’s a lot of shame. There’s a lot of good and bad. Yeah. And you know, the scores instead of just curiosity. You got that problem wrong. Let’s look at that. What what happened? Or, you know, if it’s not even a grading system, I think it would be better just, you got a certain number, right? Wrong. Doesn’t even matter how many questions you got right or wrong.

 Let’s begin with that without judgment. And see, why did you get these answers? Right? What did how did you retain that information? Right? Learning to learn is not taught.

Mostafa Hosseini  32:49

Yeah. Interesting. That shaming piece is an important piece gang, if you’re watching or listening. If you have questions or comments or feedback, put them in a comment and we’ll cover it. It’s interesting. So we’re talking about tools that will allow people to better manage their time, what do you have in your toolbox? toolbox,

Rahti Gorfien  33:12

which I do, I do have tools. It’s true, I do pull them out. I do make suggestions. I will ask permission. Sometimes that’s appropriate. If people are, you know, in general, my favorite tool for a time management is looking at the day, like it’s a sandwich. And again, I credit my coach Monica show with this image of the workday sandwich. In other words, you have the first slice of bread, and that’s the time of day.

And she calls it goddess time, you can call a god time, when you are totally nurturing yourself. I get up in the morning and I have a cup of coffee with a piece of dark chocolate just makes life worth living. You know, I do something enjoyable. And then I do some gratitudes I have a little ritual that I do in the morning. And then when you enter the meat or the filling, that’s your work day.

Right? Some people have a club sandwich, you have that another slice of bread in the middle where you’re taking a break, you’re, you’re resting a walk around the neighborhood, whatever. And then the top slice of bread is very important. Maybe the most important slice. That’s when you consciously decide that work is done. And a lot of entrepreneurs don’t do that. And then they get burnt out. You decide, okay, I’m done. Here’s the secret to deciding you’re done.

You realize that you never are. You will never be done. You will never finish everything. So you stop at a certain time you plan the next day, this is critical. So many entrepreneurs and creatives, flounder because they’re wasting their energy making decisions about what they’re going to do with their day, the morning of big mistake. Yeah, you decide the night before, what your three priorities the following day are. And then you enjoy your darn evening, your life.

And that sets you up for your morning slice of bread beautifully. Because you don’t have to worry about figuring what what you have to do you wake up, get out of bed, and you already know. Yeah. So I love that.

Mostafa Hosseini  35:41

That’s great advice. Every time I do that actually feel better. First thing in the morning because I and I write it down either on my phone on a random piece of paper. No, I mean, I don’t do this every day. But I, I guess I shouldn’t be doing it. But when I do it, things get done. And I’m calmer and I cross things off my list. And that’s like the greatest feeling when you actually do something, and it’s done. And it’s beautiful.

Rahti Gorfien  36:08

And you know, when you don’t do it, you can also look at that with curiosity, and it can be valuable, because then you really you actually experience why it is that you do do it. And then when you get back to the structure, you go, Oh, this is much better than skipping, it becomes a positive addiction, you know that you’re not quite right with the world on the days you miss it. It’s not a should. Right? You just move towards what feels good.

But you know, sometimes we’re just comfortable, comfortable in our discomfort and that’s why it can get be difficult to establish a positive habit. Just have to keep a my my my definition of consistency is returning. As long as you keep coming back and practicing when people say I’ll try that’s bull it’s it. You know, failure is inherent in l try. If you practice the workday sandwich, one day you fall off. So what you’re going to practice Yeah, get back to it. Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  37:14

Let me go over this common hear from Adele and then I’ll have some, some discuss with you. He says usually it’s a cat and mouse mouse game for me between time and finances, knowing that afternoon to evening are best time to for work for me. What will you suggest how to organize my day?

Rahti Gorfien  37:34

A cat and mouse game

Mostafa Hosseini  37:36

between time and finances,

Rahti Gorfien  37:38

but through time, and finances? You know, without knowing the particulars of the situation, it’s a little hard to just give advice. I’d be curious to know what this listener does.

Mostafa Hosseini  37:55

I think he runs and he runs a Adel key if you could tell us more about what you do. And what little more details so partaking can comment on. Let me go back to the feeling piece. I was listening to a coach, high end coach who was coaching people like Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and some high end and high performance athletes.

And he was saying that a lot of times to reach that high performance goal or that place. They were ignoring their hearts and their feelings just to get because sometimes the heart their heart was giving them wrong signals. What’s your take on that?

Rahti Gorfien  38:39

Wow, their heart was giving them wrong signals. Well, I wonder I wonder what he means by let me

Mostafa Hosseini  38:50

give him but what I understand from them. Yeah, sometimes I have to give do things and then my heart says almost off, we’re tired. We need to take a break right now why don’t we just go have a cup of coffee and enjoy our afternoon while I have actually things to do. So the feeling says I’m tired while I actually have to do stuff. Maybe that’s what he meant by that. I don’t

Rahti Gorfien  39:13

know. Maybe. I know that. You know, certainly in terms of sports psychology. If somebody is feeling bad because they missed a shot or they’re feeling anxious about making the shot. They’re sure to miss it. When whereas if they make a mistake in the game, and they’re able to just move on into the next moment, not hold on to any regret about what just went on and be fully present in the game and just focus not on the throw but on the destination.

Then that ups the game I think for athletes. And I think if you are feeling too tired to do something, yeah, we do have to under we do have to overcome our fear feeling sometimes that’s a moment to really, I think, connect with the why. Yeah, I’m really too tired to do this. I just can’t. But if I don’t, then where I want to be by the end of the day is not going to manifest. And if that matters enough, you’ll move through the fatigue. It’s really about the why I think. Yeah,

Mostafa Hosseini  40:28

absolutely. I’m with you, 100%. And if sometimes when you don’t have a good enough or a strong enough why it’s hard to do the work. But then sometimes, it’s maybe a matter of find fighting, and ignoring the conditioning that we already have that is not supporting us. So. So going back to this heart idea and ignoring the feelings, my conditioning says that, oh, I need to take time off right now and go rest while I actually need to change the way I think, ignore that. So that I can go to the next level.

Rahti Gorfien  40:59

You don’t you know what? Cuz here’s the thing. I’m a big proponent of if you’re tired rest. That’s actually

Mostafa Hosseini  41:07

that’s not what I mean. That’s not what I mean, if you’re tired, genuinely tired. Yes, yes. But sometimes our mind plays tricks on us and said, Mustafa, we’re really tired. I could really use a cup of coffee right now. To which I should say, shut up brain. I have work to do. If you’re really tired. That’s what I mean. Let

Rahti Gorfien  41:24

me ask, What if your brain was a little boy, that that brain of yours was your son? And your brain was like, I don’t want to, I want to lie down tired, I’m hungry. How would you? Would you go Shut up? Be quiet. That’s what we how would you parent? That child?

Mostafa Hosseini  41:48

I would so if it’s genuine. Yes, I would. And I think Gay Hendricks in the book talks about the upper limit, where you reach a certain point, you’re getting things done all of a sudden braid, the brain comes up with some nonsense, and then takes you away from what needs to be, I think that’s what this guy meant here. I could be wrong. So

Rahti Gorfien  42:07

then maybe you would say little boy, I know you’re tired. I know. And we’re gonna, you’re gonna be when if we’re going to, when we do this, we’re going to feel so good. And I’m going to give you a treat, you are going to get a reward. If we do this, I promise. And this was important that parents keep their word, you know, you would coax I know you’re tired, but you can do it. You’re Superman you would play. Right?

You wouldn’t shame yourself. Right? Or you would say, you know what you’re capable? You would you would coach yourself? Yeah, I do believe in the upper limit problems. Sometimes, you know, very quickly, you feel bad after something goes well, or you find the next thing to worry about that. That has I think he’s talking about a need for expanding our capacity for joy. That’s a little a little different than just a you know, if and maybe you’re tired because of an upper limit problem.

It doesn’t the why doesn’t matter. It’s you know, it really is connecting to being kind to yourself and encourage finding whatever it is that’s going to encourage you. Absolutely. Because we move past this guy who had a question about just

Mostafa Hosseini  43:25

give us a description. He says he does local marketing. And he says My question is basically around how to get best use of time, but morning, mornings or not, when a he can find him find himself engaged with work, right?

Rahti Gorfien  43:40

Well, why does he have to be? Well, first of all, I don’t know. Yeah, I work at a company is he self employed runs

Mostafa Hosseini  43:45

a company that does local marketing for other other companies, like a marketing agency. And that was my immediate response was like, you don’t have to work in the morning. You do the evening?

Rahti Gorfien  43:56

If it’s your Yeah, yeah, that’s my thing, too. When I work with people, I’m like, when, let’s keep you know, this is something a lot of coaches do not just me. I will have people to keep a time log for for a week or two. And write down just look over their shoulder every half hour and write down what happened. Absolutely their time.

Go. Absolutely. And you know, don’t mean and just like you sit and you let your thoughts go wild without trying to stop them. Just live your life for two weeks. And record. You’re going to learn so much about your personal rhythms. Yeah. And it doesn’t mean that you don’t change things. You may notice certain things. Oh, I have bedtime procrastination revenge syndrome. No wonder I can’t get out of bed in the morning. I’m streaming videos till 3am i right.

And then you see where the habits need to shift but you will also find out what your natural rhythm is. Some people are night owl. Some people do their best work at three in the morning. All right, you know, I think we have to stop making ourselves wrong and just get curious. Absolutely.

Mostafa Hosseini  45:08

I love that I’ve done that practice to, to track your that’s probably been one of one of the best time management and time tracking tools that I’ve used. Yeah. And those time,

Rahti Gorfien  45:22

right? Yeah, absolutely. You

Mostafa Hosseini  45:23

have no clue what you’re doing with your time until you actually do this. Like you, you track your time, what have I done in past half an hour to an hour? And when you do that for a week, then then here, here’s, here’s my experience.

 I did it. And then I looked at the term and I’m like, I don’t do that. And then and then the second response, hell yeah, you do that. I think that’s you. We think that all I was thinking I was so organized and optimized and very effective. Reality was different,

Rahti Gorfien  45:56

I would suggest to do you know, the gentleman who wrote in, I would like to prescribe that experiment, trust your time, for the next two weeks, let’s see where your energy is going.

Mostafa Hosseini  46:09

So I doubt absolutely Adelle. If you’re watching or listening, the suggestion is track your time for for two weeks. So and here’s what I would do, I would set a timer for I every 30 minutes to an hour to rink, so to remind me to track what I’ve done in the past half an hour to an hour. And, boy, when you do that for two weeks, it’s like, it’s a massive eye opener. Like there you see the reality of your world and where your time goes. And then you could start optimizing it. It’s beautiful, I love sometimes

Rahti Gorfien  46:41

it’s a cure within itself, I just want to add that I’ve experienced when I’ve done that, all of a sudden, you’re really aware of your time. And it’s like your if you have to track your time, you’re very aware about where you put it tracking, as an experiment to discover is fine. But it also may end up causing you to use it much more efficient way and and moderate. And in your energy may, you may find your energy changes.

Mostafa Hosseini  47:17

Yeah. And when you become more aware of what you actually do, then you could decide whether you want to do it or not. It’s a beautiful exercise. If you’re watching or listening. I’ll probably start doing it for the next few weeks, just to see where I’m at. And take it from there. So so far, here are a few tools that we talked about and feel free to correct me.

And one was meditation to calm your mind down so that you can actually manage your time and become conscious and become aware of what it is that you do. That’s true was what was the second one right now? We just would just talk about tracking your time. And there was a third tool that you we talked about.

Rahti Gorfien  47:57

Oh, the sandwich. workday sandwich? Yes.

Mostafa Hosseini  48:02

Yes. I think there was another one. No, maybe there was there’s a fourth one that I skipped my mind. But um,

Rahti Gorfien  48:10

so those are some of the tools on decision making. Don’t Don’t writing

Mostafa Hosseini  48:14

down writing down what needs to be done. That was another thing like decide what you need to do for next day

Rahti Gorfien  48:21

or the next day, the night before? That’s the

Mostafa Hosseini  48:23

night before the morning, you look at it. What’s the priority? Boom, you get it done?

Rahti Gorfien  48:28

Yeah, I would say just choose three things the night before. And you know, also that gets into your overall goals for the week or the month. If what if the three things you’re if at least three things aren’t moving forward towards those goals, then you’re not spending your time where you actually want it? Yeah, the the three goals for the day should pertain to what you’re trying to accomplish. Yes, overall.

Mostafa Hosseini  48:52

Yes. So we talked about the Zona genius. What is the zone of genius? How can we find it? And how can we spend more time in there?

Rahti Gorfien  49:00

Can we talk about the zone of genius? I

Mostafa Hosseini  49:02

don’t know. Yeah, let’s

Rahti Gorfien  49:02

talk about the zone of genius zone of genius. That is just a bit of that you will hear that a lot in the inspiration economy now are you You know, I here’s the zone of genius. If you write down all the things that you need to do to keep your business running, and you eliminate everything that someone else could do, you know, putting together the contracts, doing the pay roll, you know, getting the the money, formatting, the newsletters, whatever and you just boil it down to what only you can do. For instance, I’m the only one who can coach my client.

Yeah, I’m the only one who can show up and do this live stream. You have identified your zone of genius. If you’ve created a living doing something you love, and you find yourself resenting how difficult it is It’s probably because you’re not spending the time you need in your zone of genius and delegating the other stuff. Is one take I have on it the stuff you do easily. Yeah, no, that could be.

You could also say it’s the stuff. The stuff that feels like breathing, it’s practically natural. Yes, right. That’s, that’s your zone of genius. I’m not going to spend two hours formatting my newsletter when somebody can do it in 15 minutes or less, right? Because it’s their zone of genius.

Mostafa Hosseini  50:33

So I just recently read the book. And again, if you’re watching, you’re listening, The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks is an absolute read. It’s a fun, it’s a game changer. So when I read it, I found my zone of genius. One of them is actually what we’re doing right now. When I’m when I do the show, when I do a podcast when I’m on stage, when I’m speaking. And when I’m teaching and managing a room, I’m in my zone.

And like, it’s, I don’t even think about it. I find it really easy. I’m not worried about it. Yeah. And you know, another way for me to identify as like, things that are against doing or being known for that I do it naturally. For example, I never wanted to be known as a speaker, I don’t want to become a speaker turns out when I’m speaking, I’m in my zone of genius. Now, I’m not the best speaker, I’m not the best speaker in the world.

But it comes to me naturally, like standing up and talking and managing a room of 1000 people comes natural to me. Then I was like, Oh, I had this big aha moment my lights went on. I’m like, There’s something here I should focus on. That’s why we actually that’s why I pulled the trigger and rebranding the show that I just announced in the beginning today. So if the big leap gang, you gotta watch it, you know, you gotta read it not watching. And

Rahti Gorfien  51:54

he also has a very nice podcast called The Big Leap. Gay Hendricks I forget his colleague that he does it with. But I’ve been listening to that too, not to not to talk about a competing podcast or anything. Oh, there’s room for everybody? Yeah, so

Mostafa Hosseini  52:12

let’s talk about your gift. Here in the comments earlier, what is your gift tell us about it the three keys to your next step in life when you’re pulled in 50 directions directions?

Rahti Gorfien  52:27

Well, I’m very happy you’re sharing this gift with your audience. Now, because, boy, isn’t it the time of year, we’re all supposed to be making decisions about 2023. And what the heck we’re gonna do. This is a the three keys, it is basically a system of breaking down the information involved in a decision. And I Denta fIying what matters most to you. And then once, and that’s what you make. That’s what you base your decision on. Whatever is most important.

That’s where you’re going to put your focus. And once you do that, you can take action, once you make a decision, you can take action. And if you use this gift and go through the worksheet, you will be doing your internal due diligence. There is no reason once you lay it all out there, what’s important to me spiritually, what’s important to me, in my career, what’s important to me, in terms of my relationship, you don’t whatever the big three areas are for you and you get them all down there.

And, you know, you you identify for instance, you might be somebody who wants to open a health food store, but meanwhile you’re dealing with autoimmune disease. And, you know, you’re you’re trying to get pregnant. Well, you you figure out through this process, you can do everything but not first, you can’t do everything first. So it’s not just decision making, but in the process of making decisions prioritizing, so a person like that may put all their effort into a healing regimen for their autoimmune which of course informs what they want to do professionally.

Right. And then once they’re good and healthy, I forget what the other one they want to have a child did I say was that it My short term memories like shot, but then they can you know that when you got you know the expression when you got your health right. Now another situation could be you have this some you Want to write the great American novel but you don’t know where your next paycheck is coming from, you may find whether you like it or not, it’s not an either or, but first you have to solidify your baseline income.

And you, you know, you, that’s where you’re going to put your focus you identifies the way, the ways that you can make money, so that you’re not worried about your income. And then you can focus on your novel, it’s really a brain purge and clarification, that system that will allow you to really see the decision. When you when your values are aligned decisions make themselves, you identify what’s really important to you what you think in accordance with your values, and you see it laid out in front of you, you’re going to find it really helps to make the decision rather than just rumbling around in the darkness of your own mind. Yeah,

Mostafa Hosseini  55:57

right. Yeah. So again, the link to the gift the three keys to your next step in life, when you’re being pulled in 50 directions, that link is in the direction and in the direction in the descriptions of the show. And it’s in the comments that you can click on and get access to now. Repeat Would it be alright, if I asked you a couple of personal questions before we wrap up here. All right. So what is something new you have tried recently? I have bigger small, small as a cup of coffee big as going to the moon?

Rahti Gorfien  56:39

Well, I’ll go with the first thing that came to mind because as I said, my dog just died. And what I’ve been doing, I would say it would you know in the last couple of years, is I have been letting I’ve been death doula in and that’s new. Instead of deciding, oh, well, everybody says the animal should be put to sleep. I’m just following my heart and, and, and following the cues of the animal. And is and I have do lead to deaths.

And you know, spiritually, you know, my mother. I also do like my mother’s death. And I, I you know, we could have said put a needle in her arm because she’s not enjoying herself. But the fact is, we don’t do that with people. And to say that an animal wants you to to put them to sleep. So I, I had a very traumatic experience doing that many years ago. So I decided, no matter what, I am going to be courageous and live moment to moment.

And death is going to be at the heart of our day to day life. Because death is part of life. So I’m so grateful that I had the experience of dueling these two little animals deaths recently. And I remember being with your fear, that’s the experiment with your fear.

Mostafa Hosseini  58:06

You know, it takes courage and he showed it. To me that seems like you’re relieving or relieving experience when you actually face your fear. You’re in a moment and then you’re done with it instead of ignoring it and acting like you’re just going to bury it and put it away now,

Rahti Gorfien  58:22

threats come from. That’s where Yeah, yeah,

Mostafa Hosseini  58:26

when you walk right into it headfirst.

Rahti Gorfien  58:29

That’s it You

Mostafa Hosseini  58:30

have no regrets. Do you mean to have to have your favorite books?

Rahti Gorfien  58:35

I think oh man search for meaning. Viktor Frankl.

Mostafa Hosseini  58:39

Yep.

Rahti Gorfien  58:40

And Julia Cameron’s artists way. The artist way.

Mostafa Hosseini  58:44

I should read

Rahti Gorfien  58:47

pairs witchcraft that seminal. Those three books your set and my last one. Barbara Sure. Sh er, she she died last year. I consider her the mother of coaching and she wrote a book called Wish craft, whiskey craft but witchcraft.

Mostafa Hosseini  59:04

Love it. I’ll put it on my list. Yeah, what advice? And or what advice made a big impact in your life or business? Just the one the biggest

Rahti Gorfien  59:20

advice made the biggest impact in my life or business? Well, what’s coming to mind is examine your relationship to money. Examine what money is to you. It’s not just a form of currency. It symbolizes something that was very big.

My coach Monica Shaw really talks about money voices and she works with women and money. And it’s true for men and money. You know what, Monica

Mostafa Hosseini  59:58

was the last thing That’s

Rahti Gorfien  1:00:00

char sh ah money get get get clear about your money, your relationship to money. Love it. Do you do dislike rich people? You know if you have a problem with you know, you got to look at your relationship to money if you want to have it and you have to pay attention to it that business wise where it was probably business wise best best love it

Mostafa Hosseini  1:00:29

were to if you had a Facebook or a Google ad, where everyone around the world with access to internet could see a message. What would your message be for the people of Earth? Oh,

Rahti Gorfien  1:00:40

the people of Earth? Oh, I would I the first thing that comes to mind is rushing, slows you down. Rushing slows you down? Any mistake? Right? Slow down? Because, yeah, think about any mistake made in the heat of rage or whatever. rashly?

Mostafa Hosseini  1:01:04

That was the punch line. That was the that was a mic drop for this show. Rushing slows you down. If at any time any moment you’re trying to rush. You’re probably hurting yourself. I agree. And I have a personal story. And I have multiple personal stories. So we’re almost out of time routine. Is there anything that you maybe would have wanted to mention real quick that we didn’t get a chance to talk about? Oh,

Rahti Gorfien  1:01:31

well, thank you. You’re putting the free gift out there. I guess just keep an eye out for my book, which is coming out in 2023. I’m not exactly sure in about six months called the five emotions that stopped success.

And it’s going to be published by Rutledge and I’ll give you a teaser. I will tell you what the five emotions are. They are shame, grandiosity, envy, boredom, and fear. And I really dig into the dynamics of those emotions in the book very nice.

Mostafa Hosseini  1:02:07

Well, this was a really interesting, interesting conversation that was a valuable a lot of good nuggets, tools and information. If you just joined us go back and re listen and rewatch the show routine. And I talked about some really good stuff about time management. Thank you, Ricky. It was a great show. You shared a lot of nuggets and knowledge and wisdom. And as I mentioned in the beginning of the show, this is the last show for the year.

Next year, we are coming up with a brand new name and brand new show, which can be interesting. I’m excited about and take care of yourself gang. Happy holidays, happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, whatever it is that you are celebrating, have fun, take care of yourself. Literally take care of yourself and meditate. You know, calm down, use this time to reflect set the goals set the plans for the new year so you know what you’re doing and you know your goals and your vision. Take care of your family. Have fun. And we will see you in the New Year.

Rahti Gorfien  1:03:22

Happy New Year, everybody. Happy New Years by now you Mustafa.

Mostafa Hosseini  1:03:27

Thank you