Unlocking Your Entrepreneurial Mindset for Growth – Heather Dempsey – ep 83

Mostafa Hosseini  00:02

Hello and welcome to daily confidence for entrepreneurs. My name is Mostafa Hosseini at daily confidence we share tips, strategies and actionable advice to help you boost your confidence in different areas of business. As usual, please make sure to like subscribe and follow the channel on whichever channel you’re watching the show on. If you have any questions and comments, feel free to put them in a comment and on social media and or tag a friend who could benefit from an amazing topic that we have today. So today we’re going to talk about what is alignment and why is it so challenging how to show up powerfully even when it feels uncomfortable? How to create more harmony during growing pains, and much more. Mark? My guest today is Heather Dempsey. Welcome, Heather.

Heather Dempsey  00:48

Hi, thanks for having me.

Mostafa Hosseini  00:50

And our topic is invisible limitations. What is holding you back? Okay, so a lot of good stuff coming in. This is the stuff that usually is like holding people back that we don’t know what is holding us back and and what you think is holding you back is probably not what is actually holding you back. We’ll talk about that. Now. Let me do the proper introduction for Heather. And we’re gonna dive into a very interesting conversation because it’s about mindset. And you know that when you say mindset, you have me and Hello.

So, Heather Dempsey is a business coach specializing in emotional health mindset and the psychology of business. She helps introverts highly sensitive people, or those who struggle with anxiety show up powerfully and comfortably in their business by creating radical, emotional, and mindset transformations. Heather is also a foodie, a cat lover, personal development, and self care enthusiast. Welcome, Heather.

Heather Dempsey  01:56

Thank you. It’s good. This one wants to be a celebrity. Yeah, my day is wonderful. Thank you.

Mostafa Hosseini  02:05

Beautiful, beautiful. We’re about are you?

Heather Dempsey  02:08

I am in Venice, Florida. So southwest Florida in the United States.

Mostafa Hosseini  02:13

What’s the weather like right now?

Heather Dempsey  02:16

It is probably close to 90. Now. It’s probably like 8084 ish. It’s a little roasty inside. So it’s kind of wonderful. Yeah, sunny, beautiful, breezy.

Mostafa Hosseini  02:29

So it’s minus 16 Celsius up here in Calgary, Alberta up in Canada. Yesterday, or rather, this morning. It was at minus 30 Celsius. So it’s probably minus 300. Foreign heights. I don’t know. Actually actually close to minus 40. Foreign heights to I guess I don’t know if I’m.

Heather Dempsey  02:50

Yeah, I couldn’t even Yeah, 70 degrees. Fahrenheit is like the coldest I like so this is yeah, that would be torture. Good for you, if you

Mostafa Hosseini  02:58

like it crisp up here. Yeah. So let’s dive into a very interesting conversation. Lilian from Edmonton is probably feeling the cold. They’re just north of us. So it’s actually kind of colder than Calgary. So. So Heather, what is your story?

Heather Dempsey  03:19

There’s so many versions of it, right, depending on how deep we get into stuff. So I have been an entrepreneur since I was in my early 20s. So more than half of my life already. I’ve had 12 businesses 13 If we count a product line that I created, none of them failed, either sold them, merge them or move them.

And as life happened, and I got more interested in living and actually experiencing life in a way that was my choice, and not just being kind of pushed along, I realized all the things I was doing was to bring me to what I do now. And it’s more about this emotional awareness, emotional attunement, enjoying the emotional kind of rollercoaster that we have through life.

And I really specialize in working with introverts and highly sensitive and people with anxiety because I was one of them and still can teeter on that. But yeah, mindset came up and it was just there’s so much about the things that we think we have control over, and how so many people can feel defeated, discouraged, like there’s something wrong with them that they can accomplish what they set out for. And as I started to dig in deeper, it’s like it’s not anyone’s fault.

It’s the stuff that it’s hidden that they either can’t find on their own, or didn’t even know to look for it. So became my passion totally, completely engrossed in helping other people uncover their hidden stuff.

Mostafa Hosseini  04:47

Love it uncovered their hidden stuff. So what do you do these days and who do you serve?

Heather Dempsey  04:54

Yeah, so I work with newer entrepreneurs or people that are still figuring this stuff out, they don’t have a super flowy business and their service base. So they might be a coach or a consultant, they might be a brick and mortar store owner. But in more of a boutique setting, not some huge commercial retail setting. I’m working with people that are trying to figure their stuff out. And they feel discouraged. They’re trying all the different things.

And it’s not necessarily going the way they hoped and thought it would. And I help them figure out that it’s actually not anything they’re doing wrong. Again, it’s the hidden stuff. So helping them with mindset. And actually strategy. Since I have so much history of business experience, I can usually help them figure out some some tactical strategies as well.

Mostafa Hosseini  05:40

Interesting. So I’ve had experience with this where I think what the problem is, is, I think this is my problem. And then I start fixing it, and the problem doesn’t get solved. And I still feel like something is missing. And we’ll dig into that. So why does it often seem like people take a few steps forward? And then they take a few steps back, which is I think the exact definition of what I just went over.

Heather Dempsey  06:16

Yeah, yeah. So I mean, again, there can be a few different ways that it can be looked at. But the easiest is that we are made to survive. So instinct, the subconscious mind, we are made to stay alive. The subconscious doesn’t care about the quality of that life, right? Spiritually, our soul or your essence would care. But the subconscious doesn’t. It just wants to make sure your breathing, your bloods pumping, and that’s all good.

So when we’re experimenting, when we’re exploring something new, when we’re going into unchartered territory, the subconscious mind is like, oh, wait a second, I don’t, I don’t really know what’s happening here. And I’m not sure if they’re gonna live. If we do this thing, it could be like walking outside, but it’s never done that with you before. And so it really goes into alert mode. And we’ll throw out all the roadblocks and barriers that it can whether it’s procrastination, or resistance or shiny object perfectionism.

And so that’s where the few steps forward is because we’re in safe zone that the subconscious hasn’t been alerted. But as soon as we get to, like a breakthrough might happen, that’s usually when something comes up. And then the discouragement of not breaking through that barrier is usually what has a step back. And we think we might have to go back and reevaluate where we were, or just emotionally, it’s, you know, a little disappointing. So there’s that, that drop back energetically.

07:41

Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense.

Mostafa Hosseini  07:45

And I’ve never heard a more beautiful description of why we go back, it’s like, we get into that uncomfortable zone. That’s like walking in it, to me, it feels like or what I was, as you were describing, I was visualizing a dark funnel, or a dark tunnel, as you’re going forward. And it’s kind of dark, we don’t know what’s gonna happen. And the subconscious keeps going, Oh, we don’t know what’s gonna happen. We got to get out of here, right?

I’m uncomfortable. Get me out of here. And then it comes up with every little trick in the book. What really needs to happen, including, oh, we need to really watch TV now. And I need to call my friends and and I need to get on Instagram and explore and waste more time. So I felt comfortable and and it does everything in his power to get out of the discomfort zone and get into the comfort zone, I guess.

Heather Dempsey  08:40

Yeah, that’s that’s the way a lot of people would talk about it for me, I really associated with Safe Zone. I’ve experienced this before and unsafe zone, I don’t know what will happen. So the subconscious has to it just has two ways. I know they can handle this. I don’t know that they can handle this. So yeah, and I think that what’s crazy, in my opinion, which I’m a little kind of Woo, in the spiritual side of things.

 I believe that the subconscious can even manifest illness and like stubbing your toe or doing things that seem completely external that would have nothing to do with inside. But hey, all the other roadblocks weren’t working. So it had to throw out the next you know, big stop.

Mostafa Hosseini  09:21

Absolutely. 100%. So how do our beliefs impact how aligned with we are with what we’re trying to do with this whole process?

Heather Dempsey  09:33

Yeah, I love this question. Because it’s another thing where people don’t realize what they’re dreaming about. What they have in their heart isn’t happening. I was one of those people. I couldn’t understand why. And I’m going to use my one of my businesses as my best example, I had 27 employees. I wanted them to be my family. I wanted it to be where everybody made tons of money. We went out to dinner together, right? This was I loved them.

I wanted So much for them. And as I would see the way that there was an interaction, there were some that didn’t trust me some that thought I had like ulterior motives, and it would break my heart. I didn’t understand why. And it’s only now as I’ve moved forward into different things and really explored that my beliefs at that time were that I was a failure that I was unlovable that there wasn’t enough to go around, I had an extreme scarcity mindset.

So while my heart, my essence wanted this beautiful thing, there was this other part of me that didn’t believe it was possible. And so there is this energetic incongruency. And to me, that’s what creates the misalignment, which is why we can be so relentlessly moving towards our goals and have such a pure intention about it, but not get there, because there’s something else that’s tugging on it, or kind of mixing and mixing up the chemistry.

10:58

Love it. Love it, love it.

Mostafa Hosseini  11:06

If we’re getting out of our comfort zone, and through a will, we’re trying something new, we’re learning, we’re in an uncharted territory, and we have no idea what’s happening, what’s coming, and what’s, you know, behind the wall and the rest of it. What’s the best way to approach it? And what’s the best way to get past through the discomfort? So that, you know, could say, for me, let’s say that I’m starting a new business. And I actually just put this question out to my facebook saying, What is the biggest challenge with starting a business and I got some very interesting responses.

 So I know that I have to start a business. But the moment I start thinking and thinking about the sheer amount of work that needs to be done for me to start a business, I get uncomfortable, it’s out of my comfort zone, and then I start going back to it, maybe I need to get a job. And you know, and maybe some other people have tried to convince me otherwise, what is the best way to get out of the comfort zone and get used to it and comfortably or uncomfortably get past the fears? That saying, yeah,

Heather Dempsey  12:22

so I’m going to share two different options of how to do that. So the one is where it’s completely self involved. Actually, I just say the second one would be working with someone that actually works with beliefs, parts, ifs, internal family systems, these types of processes. So I can go back to that. But the the way that you would do it on your own, is knowing that any of the resistance, any of the fear, any of the discomfort, any of the voices that you might hear or impressions that you have of how it won’t work, why it’s not worth it, all those things is uncovering, like, what is true about those thoughts and feelings? Is it true? Right? How much proof is there of it?

Or is it actually not true? Or is there another version of that? Right? That, yes, it could be really hard, could also be incredibly rewarding. So when we start to focus on that, what’s the what’s the truth and what else is possible, that can often soften the strain and the resistance and the fear to do it. That’s a really simple one another is making sure that you are well emotionally resourced.

And so what that means is making sure that you are in a healthy place that you feel self supported, that you’re not the person that knows you’re doing the good job because someone else told you, right, it’s not needing external validation or credit or support.

Being able to do that on your own. And that might be through meditation practices, yoga, journaling, you know, readings, personal development, just sitting with yourself, exploring your thoughts, those types of things, because the more well resourced we are internally, from the inside out, the less triggered the subconscious mind will be because it won’t be quite as scared. Right? It’ll be like, oh, there’s there’s such a sense of safety here.

That it’s okay. Also visualizing, right? What’s the what is the scary thing? What’s it going to look like on the other side, so that the subconscious mind sees that movie real running that now when you actually move into it, it’s not some new thing? It’s like, wait, I did see that somewhere before because it also doesn’t know what’s real and what isn’t. It only knows what it’s experienced and what it hasn’t, right.

So if we can trick it by projecting what we want to happen, then it doesn’t get quite as alarmed. So it’s a little manipulation of the subconscious mind but to our advantage.

Mostafa Hosseini  14:49

Absolutely. So imagine going through going over is this are these questions are already spheres true. What what is the base of it is is that as Something else is stopping me. And I love the phrase you used, making sure that I’m self supported. Right? And my personal experience, sometimes I have a fear of doing something. And then the fear runs me for a few hours or a few days, and then I come to myself to realization that this is out of my mind, my, the way I feel and what I’m doing is fear based. And then it’s you’re questioning the fears, like, do I really need to be feared, right? Do I need to be fearful? And do I need to have these fears?

And most usually, the answer is no. Right? Right. And if even if I need to be afraid of how can I fix this? Do I have enough support internally or externally? Which is what you went through having that self support, and love it and love it? A lot of times, I’m not aligned with what I’m doing. And if I spend the time and and take the time to reflect internally, am I aligned in with what I’m doing? Sometimes the answer is no. And I need to draw. Even if I really need to do something, like, at the moment, most of the time, where if I take the time to reflect, then don’t do it, I actually feel much better after. Right?

Heather Dempsey  16:28

Yeah. And so to me, that is so much about our values, right? So values based living and being really clear on what our values are you and I had a conversation, you know, yours, right? And so when we know our values, when we know, what’s the most important thing to us, every choice we’re making, we can say, Does this align with my values?

Does it bring me closer to living a life full, you know, rich have these values? Or is it taking me away? Very often the anxiety that people experience is because it is taking them away from their values. And that’s the body’s first, you know, explanation of like, you need to look at this, it’s trying to alert you to see, the other reason would be that fear that we can experience could be in the way that I believe it cellular memory of something before.

And so it could be in some way parallel, even if it’s a completely different experience. There’s something that has a DNA of something that you experience as a child that’s coming up with like, I didn’t know how to handle that, then how is it going to be different now? And exploring that right? How does this feel this fear? What does this feel like? Can I remember a time that I felt this way before? Not necessarily the same situation? But can I remember when I felt this way before?

And then looking at when does that bring you back to so with NLP, this would be considered timeline therapy. There’s another thing called spiraling back from one of my mentors. So just exploring, like what happened then that this is this fear is being evoked and being able to say, Oh, well, I’m better resource now than I was then. So this is actually, you know, not a concern.

Mostafa Hosseini  18:10

Very interesting. Part of I think aligning with what we’re doing is values, right? mentioned, what do you figure is the best way to for someone that is not sure what the values are? And let me give you open that up a little bit. Sometimes when you ask people what are your values are like honesty, integrity, and some some other big buzzword, which doesn’t make any sense in terms of integrity?

What do you mean by that? Right? Right? How do you fit what’s the what’s the best way to, for me to find my values and understand that these are actually my top three or four values that I live by?

Heather Dempsey  18:59

Yeah, I love this, I actually have a small program, that’s about finding your values. And there’s two exercises that I’d love to share the ones a little more fun and kind of looking back at the past, the other one’s a little more analytical, so you can choose which one resonates for you. So the analytical one is literally a list of hundreds of different words, like you’re saying that would relate to a value, and you just keep circling the ones that matter the most.

And the next time you go through the list, you can you have to circle less of them. The next time you go through, the less you’re circling less of them, until you come down to the five or however many you choose to commit to that you could not or would not want to live without. So again, this is more analytical, but it works really well.

The other one that I really love is more of what you’re talking about that experiential that emotional value, and if we take our life and break it down into segments, and think of all the most memorable experience and memorable moments and memorable people and distill down what was it about that that was so memorable? Was it that there was connection?

There was family there was love? Was there Adventure Excitement, you know, finding what are the most memorable things in your life? And what is the common denominator to all them, it’s a really great way to point to the emotional element of the values that feel really strong for you. Love

Mostafa Hosseini  20:23

1. So the first one was going down a list of hundreds of values and like narrowing it down to what you really connect with, which I’ve done that it actually works. Second one was you said, going over past events? Did I say Right?

Heather Dempsey  20:42

Yeah. So like, the most memorable events? Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  20:46

Yeah. And then understanding why is it that this was memorable to me? And what value does it connect with?

Heather Dempsey  20:52

Yeah, yeah, it’s a really great way. And then even looking at people that you admire, and breaking down the list of like, well, what is it about them that I admire? Because often, right, we can see it in someone else, but we don’t see it in ourselves. But if we see it in someone else, we possess it as well. So that can be a nice marker to to kind of highlight, wow, I’ve really, I love this person. Because I’d be like, Oh, alright, that matters a lot to me too. So a great way to find values.

Mostafa Hosseini  21:20

So, so I love those. And here’s another way, a third way to to complement those. And that is tracking your time. And figuring out what you’re actually spending your time on. I will tell you what your value, right, because you probably won’t spend time on things that you don’t value. And if you’re spending time on things that you don’t value, you will know that this job or this thing that I’m doing is not aligned with my with my values.

And I probably need to ditch that job or ditch that type of work that is not making me happy or making me unhappy.

Heather Dempsey  21:59

Yeah, love that. Right. It’s so simple. These things are so simple.

Mostafa Hosseini  22:06

I think, today, if you do the three approaches, and I’m sure there’s more approaches to that, they should confirm each other through the list of words, and I did it through events, and I tracked my time and then I asked my friends, what do you think are my top values? Here’s a good one. Oh, you put it on Facebook, say hey, what do you think are my top values?

And you they should all probably confirm and be very close. And you may get aha moments be like, Oh my god, I actually didn’t know that this. I wasn’t aware of that of this value, but it’s actually a value of mine.

22:44

Huh, yeah. Um,

Mostafa Hosseini  22:52

what do you figure is the best way? So let’s let’s go over uncovering some invisible limitations. Let’s What do you figure out best ways to uncover some invisible limitations?

Heather Dempsey  23:09

Goes back to that that sensation in the body and saying like when I keep running up against this, the feeling that I feel and when can I recall feeling this in the past, very often people will want to associate it with a similar thing. I just actually had this with a client where she came to me because she really felt like she, she loved her job. But she wasn’t making enough money. She didn’t want to get a different job because she wouldn’t like it as much. But she would make more money.

And she just felt really stuck. And so I went through this experience with her of like, allow yourself to really feel this feel this conflict within you? What does it feel like in your body? And once she was able to connect with it and identify it, I said, Now, imagine if you could just travel back in time anywhere. You don’t have to think about it, but you’re going to land somewhere in your life in an experience and tell me what it is. And she was like, Oh, this makes no sense for what we’re talking about. I’m like, Just humor me, what is it?

And she was standing in between her parents. And they were arguing. And so as we started to uncover everything and uncover everything, it was 100% connected to feeling stuck in the middle. Feeling like she didn’t have control that no matter what she did, she wouldn’t win. And it was just from allowing ourselves to tap in that visceral experience to see when did it happen before because the real beliefs, the ones that we can identify the reason we don’t identify them easily and that they’re hidden. It’s because they’re not usually words, their feelings.

So if we try to consciously and logically figure out what would what what might I believe about myself, it’s not necessarily the feeling that you felt. So that to me is the most powerful, powerful. And then also just listening to actually I’ll pause there. Do you have any questions about that one first?

Mostafa Hosseini  24:56

No, keep going. I’m I’m intrigued.

Heather Dempsey  25:00

The so another way is just to listen to what’s being said to you in your mind. Right? Like, if you drop something, what’s the what’s the first thing that the mind blurts out to you, right? And it’s not the mind, it’s the parts of you. So what is it saying? Like, oh, you idiot, or is it like, Oops, drop that have to clean it up? If it’s innocent, awesome.

But as we start to track, what do we hear, when we’re moving into something scary? Do we hear you can’t do it, you’re gonna get hurt. Or, you know, no one’s gonna listen to you? What are the things that happen? And maybe not everybody hears everything that’s going on in their head, but to start to really pay attention to it, it’s going to help point you to what are the beliefs that are creating the most impact in a negative way? by noticing what is the selfs opinion?

Right, the the mental, again, not self in the good way. But the parts of us that have opinions about us, what is it?

Mostafa Hosseini  25:58

So this last point, I mentioned, what are the what are the beliefs that are impacted me in a negative way? I actually went through that exercise a couple of weeks ago. So when you ask someone that question, right off the bat, they don’t know the answer. And for me, the key was to sit with that question. Dig deep go inside. And you will come up with answers. Yeah,

Heather Dempsey  26:23

I mean, yeah, that’s we’re not supposed to find the answers to these things, you know, they’re there, they’re hidden for a reason. So it is it isn’t easy. It takes a willingness, right, and openness to be surprised, because I think we’re in a place in the world where we’re supposed to know everything, we’re supposed to be prepared for everything, and we’re supposed to be able to handle it all. And it’s in that humbleness and curiosity, that it’s like, oh, my gosh, like it was this. I just had that with a client recently, where she her kind of after we worked together, she goes, kind of what I thought was the block wasn’t the block at all.

So again, she was approaching something and it was the wrong thing to be approaching. So as time wasted energy, wasted money wasted on courses and programs and coaches, and we it was a different belief and a different way that we had to approach it.

Mostafa Hosseini  27:21

Absolutely. And it’s like, it’s that feeling that that negative belief is creating inside us that stops things from happening in my experience. Yeah, I mean,

Heather Dempsey  27:36

sorry, go ahead. And

Mostafa Hosseini  27:38

once you figure that out, it’s like, just like you said, we think oh, maybe it’s my funnel, maybe it’s my opt in offer, maybe it’s the opt in form, and that the orange color on it, that is not really working, I need to pay somebody five grand to fix that.

And there’s going to be and then here’s a question that I have for you. Which part of the brain is responsible for that BS response of I don’t know, in the beginning, when he said, what is the what is the negative belief that is causing all this problems? And, and we go, oh, I don’t know what it is, is it the conscious or the subconscious trying to protect something?

Heather Dempsey  28:16

It’s the subconscious, in my opinion, because it doesn’t want us to figure it out. Because then we might go into unchartered territory, right? So that, and even talking about just to just to tap back on talking about beliefs, and the fear and the energy around them. A point that I wanted to make too, is that beliefs are conclusions. That’s, that’s what they are, they’re conclusions that we came to from an experience in life. So it was this is what happened after make sense of it. Because we’re, you know, making patterns and making sense of everything.

So we can stay alive. So we can plan forward. And so it’s like, well, what would make sense about this? What conclusion can I come to? So when I’m faced with this again, I’ll know what to do. And so yeah, the subconscious when we’re trying to figure out what belief is, it’s like, oh, no, no, no, no, you can’t figure that out. Because then you’re going to put us at risk. You’re going to, you know, go somewhere and do something that we haven’t done before. And I need you to believe that belief so that you don’t go into dangerous zone.

Mostafa Hosseini  29:18

Yeah, absolutely. I think so. Here’s my theory on it. And that is we got the reticular activating system, right? Correct me if I’m wrong, but it kind of prevents us from maybe not the reticular activating system, but there is a part of the brain that prevents us from experiencing pain. I don’t know what to call is it the reticular activating system? Um,

Heather Dempsey  29:48

you know, I’m not like the the most with the booksmart stuff. No, but the reticular activating system is the one that would allow you to see the red car right if you’re getting ready to buy a red car All of a sudden, you’re gonna see the red car all over the place. So it’s going to be looking for the things that you’re already putting out there. So that can actually work to our advantage in a good way if we want to start seeing these images that we want to experience. But yeah, I don’t know, I’m the part that wants us not to experience pain. I mean, I just think it’s the whole body.

Mostafa Hosseini  30:23

And that part probably kicks in probably part of the subconscious mind saying, no, no, no, no, we don’t know the answer to that. Because, right, things that we’re going to experience some pain, we’re going to explore some negative stuff that we don’t want to get into. So I don’t know. I’m just gonna keep going. Let’s work on my landing page. Right,

Heather Dempsey  30:43

right, right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, I can just say like, as far as parts of the brain, like the hippocampus, that would be the one that’s saying, like, there’s too much happening, and just kind of going off line. That’s what creates more trauma, because it doesn’t timestamp what’s happening. So it can’t compartmentalize it and put it away, it will kind of still stay alive and active.

So it reawakens that feeling and it’s unsettled. So very different. I guess I’m what you’re saying. I’m just trying to think of what specifically aside from the subconscious, that would be

31:16

Yeah. So

Mostafa Hosseini  31:20

what do you feel are the best ways to change patterns, and improve mindsets when it comes to achieving goals? So let’s say let me give you an example, I have a pattern of avoiding certain kinds of pain, following on the same conversation that we have that let’s say, since we have a lot of coaches following us and people that are being coached, let’s say I don’t like being coached.

And every time someone tries to help me or coach me, or consult me, I’ll come up with some nonsense, and someone has brought it to my attention. What do you think figure are the best ways to change those patterns, and improve the mindset around certain types of pain that we have? Yeah, so

Heather Dempsey  32:03

identifying what is what is similar to being coached from childhood? Right? What happened that felt similar to being coached? Was it a reprimanding parent was a know it all sibling? Was it? The authority, the authoritative figure that was trying to get you aligned that actually caused you emotional harm? You know, there’s that what’s the danger in being coached? And is it repeating an old dynamic that the fear is?

Or is it losing control is it being found out so it’s getting to the source of what’s the scary thing that could happen with being coached? And so to me, again, it would be the exploration, a lot of times, I don’t think if somebody is, is inexperienced with doing this work, is not easy to do by themselves. So it is really useful to have a coach to have somebody that does this to help them observe because, again, the body doesn’t want them to find it out.

So it’s going to throw out all these other options of what it could be to distract and be like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. This is why I don’t like to be coached. Turns out, that’s not what it is at all. So yeah, finding what’s what is setting the alarms off from coaching, is that that you’re going to be wrong, you’re going to be found out that you don’t feel good enough that somebody’s you know, trying to control you, there’s so many things and it would be each individual’s life experience that would we would have to investigate to see which one is causing it. Or one, right, it could be multiple things paired together. Love

Mostafa Hosseini  33:34

1. Going back to the last example, you get button childhood with our customer who was imagining herself between her parents and being stuck. And a lot of our patterns go back to our childhood. Yeah,

Heather Dempsey  33:48

they’re I mean, they’re developed before 10. You know, the majority of who we are has been established, before we even had the mental capacity to make the choice on our own. It’s like, we were just put into a mold, and then we outgrew the mold, but the internal mechanism is still the same.

34:07

And crazy.

Mostafa Hosseini  34:10

I even heard a number like that most of that happens in forms between seven or eight. Yeah,

Heather Dempsey  34:17

it’s there’s a few different studies and the majority say between like six and eight, there’s some that say it’s as high as 10. I recently heard that there’s two segments, and like the oldest is 14. And of course, you know, I don’t want anybody to think like we don’t create any new beliefs after we’re older. But the foundational elements of how we see ourself, other people in the world have been established, and again, not by our life experience by other people imposing theirs onto us.

Mostafa Hosseini  34:46

I think the good old 8020 principle is blind there as well. Maybe 80 or 90% of our beliefs are for that age, and then another 10 or 20. Obviously we’re evolving creatures and we form new habits and Rest of it. But I’m thinking maybe the the, what do you think about that? I think it’s probably

Heather Dempsey  35:06

a little bit higher, but not too much. And, and although we can create new things, the foundational elements still are there. So there’s always a little bit of a battle happening until we really identify clear, you know, address the foundational elements. And it’s crazy, right? If we think of the odds, how they’re stacked against us from, they can be stacked against us in that sense of these beliefs are created so young, they make up the majority of our beliefs. And then the subconscious is responsible for over 95% of the choices that we make.

It’s like, so what part of this is actually conscious? And by choice, and not just this kind of automatic response? There are studies, I think it was from Harvard, the study was that the, where we think we’re making a conscious choice, where it’s like, Oh, hey, this is the option and I’m going to, you know, weigh this out and make the choice. The studies actually show that the subconscious started working, I think, a few seconds before a third of a second, maybe it was before the conscious mind was active. So we think we’re making conscious choices. But the subconscious is still having a super, super strong influence on it. It’s crazy.

Mostafa Hosseini  36:21

Consciously, to me, consciously. I’m not present all the time. But the subconscious is right and running. It’s the operating system. It’s like it’s always there.

Heather Dempsey  36:32

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it’s responsible for our breath, or our pulse, or Oregon’s functioning. So it’s great on autopilot. Yeah, yeah. Drive into the store and being like, Oh, my God, how did I, what did I go through any traffic lights? Right? You’re like, already pulled in your driveway? And you’re like, Oh, wow. Yeah. For

Mostafa Hosseini  36:52

me, it’s like, half of my day, I have no clue where I am consciously. But then, some parts of the day I come to my senses. I’m like, Oh, maybe I need to do this. And I need to do that. So yeah, no wonder subconscious. And the beliefs that were formed between zero to say 10 are taking over and they’re doing 90 or more percent of our

Heather Dempsey  37:17

Yeah, I love. There’s a picture like analogy that I love to talk about. It’s like, imagine if you’re on a plane, right? And it’s like, packed, and you’re getting ready to go somewhere. And they’re like, Okay, the pilots arriving. And he’s eight. And you’re like, like, I don’t know that I would be cool with an eight year old coming in to fly a plane. But it’s essentially what’s happening with our life, right, that the planes being flown by an eight year old.

So I think that that visual can be a little bit like, oh, wait a second. I didn’t think of it that way. But because we are in our adult state, and we think that we’ve evolved so much, and we have to a degree, but still the foundation that was lit that was laid?

Mostafa Hosseini  38:05

I think deep inside we’re all kids. Yeah. And I think most people would, would would be happier and become happier once they give up and they go to their child hood are childish thoughts and behaviors. And that becomes their happy place. I think I heard Tony Robbins saying most people are five years old, emotionally.

Heather Dempsey  38:28

Yeah. Makes sense. I mean, that’s when that’s when we were able to start understanding things that were happening. And so there’s a little bit of kind of trying to be autonomous at that point. And so you get in trouble. Because that independence would be coloring on a wall or throwing your food across the floor or grabbing a toy out of someone’s hand, right? So many things that we’re testing out in life to have our what we think our needs were met. And we might get reprimanded for it, because that’s what happens. So, yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  38:59

So going back to blockages and limiting beliefs. If someone is trying something, let’s say you’re trying to establish an offer in the business world and find customers, and it just doesn’t seem to be going the way they want it, regardless of what they try. What is the solution? How do we find the the fix or the limiting invisible block and the limitation?

Heather Dempsey  39:33

Yeah, so I’ll go into this and assuming it is a block that’s causing our eight because there’s so many other things that could be like, did they do market research? Do they have a viable offer? Is it something that’s in demand? Is the market saturated? There’s all that stuff too. But if it would come to a belief, it would, I mean, there’s again, there’s so many and it would depend on someone’s experience, but if they have a viable offer, the market is there and it’s just not working.

I would point to the energy Like incongruency, how are they showing up? And how do they really feel? And there’s probably a misalignment there. And that misalignment isn’t something that we necessarily consciously are aware of. But we sense it. Do you ever meet someone that you’re like? I, I mean, they seem nice, but there’s just some, there’s just something weird, and I can’t put my finger on it. But everything about them seems like it’s okay.

But there’s something. It’s that that’s that energetic. incongruency. Right. That’s where from when I had my spa, I meant, I meant everything to me. And I meant so well by my team, but for some of them, they didn’t trust me. Now, maybe that was their own stuff, too. But I also believe it was because of my scarcity stuff coming through that I didn’t talk about it. I was a go getter. I mean, we brought in, you know, $70,000 a month, nobody thought that there was scarcity issues. But for me, there were and so then that created this like, Wait, why are we so great.

But why do we feel so weird? So I would look at that of like, where’s the incongruency? Are the beliefs aligned? Right? Or are there beliefs that are that are knocking down? The potential this offer? And even even stuff of like, Okay, does the person really want the offer to go? Well? Because what are their beliefs about success? What if they had a father that was a workaholic? And so they know when when lots of money’s coming in, it means that they don’t get to spend quality time with people they love?

Well, so that inner stuff that you don’t know about is going to be like, no, no, we don’t want to be successful, because that means we don’t get to have fun with our family anymore. So it’s going to put all this stuff out to make it not work.

Mostafa Hosseini  41:41

Very interesting. Yeah. So what is your tip for identifying if I’m energetically incongruent with something? Is it’s just a feeling do I need to? Is there a tip for that?

Heather Dempsey  41:53

I think if something isn’t working, and by all accounts, it should be, I would look into it, you know, and to say, like, what? Here’s a fun question. What would someone have to believe? What might someone believe if this is the experience they’re having? Right? And so sometimes when we ask that question, if someone’s not familiar with this work, they might think of like positive things, but we’re saying negative, what might someone have to believe if this is what their experience is? And so in that scenario of someone that has a great offer, you know, it’s just not working, maybe, for things not to work for them, maybe they have a belief that they’re a failure, they don’t deserve success.

They’re not smart enough. You know, there could be all these different things. So it’s just when you put yourself outside and say, What would someone else possibly believe, if they were in this situation that would create this situation? Again, when we’re allowing it to be from an observer perspective, like spying on the neighbor? Like, what’s their life like that this is their experience?

The subconscious doesn’t realize we’re doing a self exploration. So it’s like, oh, yeah, I like to I like to know what’s happening, and it gets into it, instead of getting alarmed, and distracting.

Mostafa Hosseini  43:12

Interesting, I really liked that question, which I think for someone to ask that question, you would need a good and high EQ to understand people and that is, what might they will leave if they are experiencing what they’re experiencing and what they’re having.

Heather Dempsey  43:30

Yeah. And so that phrasing can throw people off a little bit. It would be and I always start it that way, for some reason. But it’s like, for somebody to be experiencing this. What might they believe about themselves? Right, that leads points to a little bit more of a negative connotation.

Mostafa Hosseini  43:45

Love it. I think if we asked that question that would fix a lot of problems, like a lot of conflict, at work with friends, marriages, friendships, I would fix a lot of problems. Yeah,

Heather Dempsey  44:01

awareness is so big. I mean, I personally believe that there’s more that we need to do, in addition to being aware, but a lot can change when we do become aware. And it could be enough change. It could be all that somebody needs. And then if they get curious on what you know, more than they can go deeper, but that awareness and that emotional intelligence and self awareness is huge. Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  44:28

I reminds me of a line that I read a few months ago, and it said, If you understood people, if you understand people, you will forgive

44:38

everybody. Yes. Yes. Deep. Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  44:43

There’s no question that you just said, it’s like, if I understand what beliefs they might have behind what they’re doing, and understand them. Yeah, then I can connect with that person and probably be be in a better position to even help them All

Heather Dempsey  45:00

right, all right, or be compassionate to them and not as reactive. If it’s like, you know, a loved one or somebody that you work with. I mean, yeah, when it comes down to it, we’re all just trying to make it out of here alive. And we’re not going to. So there’s a lot, a lot of stuff, people are just looking to feel safe to be loved. And the beliefs they are, they are an inhibitor. They’re

Mostafa Hosseini  45:29

interesting. So one question that I’d rolled out drove down from our earlier conversation today is, what do I What are the things that I have resilience towards? And how does it connect with my childhood? I’m gonna sit down today, and I’m gonna right answer that question. Yeah, yeah. And see if there’s any stuff that would come up. Yeah. Like, go ahead. Sorry.

Heather Dempsey  45:56

No, I’m sorry, I get so excited. I keep interrupting.

Mostafa Hosseini  46:01

I was saying, if working with someone like yourself, it would help me and people come up with answers to those questions. A lot faster and easier. Yes. Because I would probably get get hung up on my own nonsense, and, and my subconscious would probably kick in halfway through, like, here’s how I am. I have Haidee. Right?

Most entrepreneurs do, I guess. And then I start working on this stuff, then I find myself on the second floor, doing something completely irrelevant. And then I realized that it’s probably my subconscious doing this, then I’m like, I need to go back downstairs and finish this up. Yeah. If I work with someone like you,

46:55

it would be Yeah. It

Heather Dempsey  46:56

does, like the client that said, Oh, no, this is what just came to mind. It can’t be that it has nothing to do with this. And it was like, No, it was exactly it. Right. But the scenario didn’t seem connected. But so if she were doing that on her own, she would have abandoned that, that ship. But because I was like, God, let’s just let’s just be here for a minute and see what comes up. It was the resolution.

I mean, she, she healed a childhood wound in that moment to with getting to experience what she would have liked to experience with her parents how she would have liked to handle it as a child now knowing what she knows. So yeah, it’s super empowering. When you have someone there to support you that’s objective. And also, you know, skilled at knowing the subconscious is going to try to get in the way the whole time. And I have to playfully and respectfully challenge it right and let it think it’s winning sometimes. And it’s like learning how to kind of play with the system.

Mostafa Hosseini  47:48

It’s like, it’s like, soothing a baby. Yeah, you’re doing a good job. Alright, let’s get back to it.

Heather Dempsey  47:56

Right. Exactly. Exactly. Yes.

Mostafa Hosseini  47:58

Good. All right, Heather, could you please tell us about your gift?

48:03

Yeah, so the gift,

Mostafa Hosseini  48:05

masterclass.

Heather Dempsey  48:06

Live without limitations, masterclass is a little bit more of the factual stuff to what I talked about. And it also will tell you what I feel are the three different layers to belief clearing. So it’ll give you kind of details of what different things you can try how they work and how you have to do them in order to have results from it.

Mostafa Hosseini  48:27

Yeah. And so it’s a live masterclass where people could sign up. And any idea when it’s happening, it’s

Heather Dempsey  48:35

actually something that I recorded from before. So it’s, it’s instant access. And then I have a new one that’s coming out that’s a little more updated with some extra modalities that I don’t talk about there. So anybody that signs up for this one to get that instant access, they’ll get alert alerted when the new ones out if they want it to. Beautiful.

Mostafa Hosseini  48:54

So again, to get access to Heather’s masterclass, live without limitations, go to the link. It’s in the descriptions of the show and it is in the comments. Go register. Heather has a good experience with this. She obviously knows what she’s talking about from our conversation, you know, and so like when it comes to mindset, if you have blocks and limitations, you gotta you gotta fix that otherwise you’re going to be in trouble.

Otherwise, you’re going to tough time with whatever it is that you’re working on. And there can I share something about the stuff that I’m working on the past two, three weeks, trees. I’m a huge ad 20 fan. And that is the ad 20 says 80% of the results are coming from 20% of the input. Now, when it comes to our beliefs, and blocks and limitations, there is probably one or two beliefs that are messing up the entire scene here. And if you fixed up one or two things, going back to the 8020 principle, it will fix probably 50 6070 or 80% of your problems.

That’s when we have those massive aha moments and talking to someone like Heather, she can reflect back and see stuff and point out things that really matter and help you figure out what are those important stuff? Are are is so you can have that massive breakthrough. And I am really looking forward to her 202 my session with Heather, we’ll see what will come up during our conversation.

Heather Dempsey  50:35

Yeah, I’m excited to. And I actually listened to the book that you had suggested. And there was a section in it that fits so perfectly with what we talked about. So can I mention it too? So the feeling is the secret. Yeah. And in that there’s like the three sections, but the one on sleep. It was perfect. It talks about you know, let the subconscious work for you.

Let it go through its data bank and pull out all the stuff that will let you be there. So if you haven’t heard of it, it’s super short, most office said, I think it was two weeks ago that you told me about it. And I listened to it and was like, Yeah, this is great. I’ve recommended it to like five people already have at least listened to the sleep section because it’s so valuable.

Mostafa Hosseini  51:19

So the book is called feeling I found it on YouTube. And it’s the author is Neville Goddard. It’s only 40 minutes. It’s super short. But it is gold. I mean, it’s I think it’s 50 pages, the actual book, but it’s 50 pages of gold. And I liked every second of this book. And I’ve probably listened to it a good four or five times over the past few weeks. And every time I listen, I get something new out of it. And

Heather Dempsey  51:50

yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was good. I felt a tiny bit that it was it was allowing us to think that the conscious mind has more control than it does, at least in my belief, the way that I work. But it was fascinating. And again, that sleep section was just like you said, gold, gold, gold.

Mostafa Hosseini  52:04

Yes. All right. So Heather, can I ask you some some some personal questions? Sure. All right. So what’s a new thing that you have tried recently?

Heather Dempsey  52:15

Oh, what’s the new thing? Transcendental Meditation? I’ve just brought that into my life. And I missed the past two days, though. But that’s new.

Mostafa Hosseini  52:28

What What was the name again? Transcendental

Heather Dempsey  52:30

Meditation. So Transcendental Meditation is a practice that’s been around for a really long time. But in order to start it officially properly, you actually have a teacher that comes in and gives you a mantra and does all this stuff. And yeah, so it’s been really interesting. Love it.

Mostafa Hosseini  52:49

What are your top favorite? books, books that have made a massive difference to your life or business? Or more? Maybe books that you recommend all the time to people? Yeah. So

Heather Dempsey  53:00

my first and most powerful book was how to win friends and influence people. I need that book. And I should read it like every year. So I love it. Love it. Love it. Another one that had a big impact for me was the surrender. No, not the surrender experiment. That’s another version. What was it called? Outrageous openness.

Had a look on my bookshelf. Yeah, outrageous openness. Actually, one of my coaches gifted that to me. And it’s, it’s, it’s along those lines is the surrender experiment of just like, let it go, put it out there and let it go. So that’s great. And then I guess I’ll say The Five Love Languages, that’s a pretty easy one that a lot of people could benefit from.

Mostafa Hosseini  53:49

Love it. Beautiful. Now, what’s one advice that made a massive change in your life?

Heather Dempsey  53:58

One of my coaches, who in in moments of growth, I like most people find things that come up, and I get scared, and I find resistance. And there was a moment where I was really starting to really have some potential and freaked me out. And I started to question whether I was good enough, or if I was making promises that I couldn’t deliver.

And my coach, basically, she said, You can’t eff this up. You can’t, you just can’t mess anything up. And as soon as you take yourself out of the equation, and you let the ego kind of go, this is actually more of my elaboration on that. As soon as I realized that it is just all happening, how it should. And as a coach and working with people, they are only going to go as far as they are ready to go. And I’m simply there to hold that space for them and try to open up what that will mean. But it was so big for me because I was taking on like an ego and overly responsible role. that when she said that, to me, it was just so liberating.

Another one for an opportunity of growth. Can I share one more, because it was also huge. There was another time where I started to really have another up level. And I found myself judging other people who were showing up online. And I was finding myself that I didn’t want to show up online because I was afraid people would see me the way I saw them, because I didn’t like the way that they were. And first, I recognized how ridiculously judgmental it was and explored.

Where was that coming from? And I was actually envious, that they were so showing up, and I was letting myself get held back. And when I talked to my coach about it, she said, Heather, just so you know, they’re already people judging you. And I was like, awesome, because I don’t care. I don’t know who is and I didn’t even think about it. So it doesn’t matter. So when I reached the next level, I won’t care who’s judging me there either. So such powerful straight to the point, feedback from from coaches that I’ve had.

Mostafa Hosseini  56:08

Yeah, so the main point for you there was saying that other people are judging you.

Heather Dempsey  56:13

Oh, yeah, I was. Yeah, it was, I was so afraid to show up because people might judge me. And her point was people already are. And I wasn’t aware and I wasn’t concerned. So when she pointed that out, for me, it was again, liberating where I’m like, Oh, okay. I’m not dying. It’s not hurting my business. It’s okay, let people judge I’m still gonna show up. So So when

Mostafa Hosseini  56:36

you ask when we ask people to go live on video, or record a video, put it put it out on social media for the business, all of a sudden, people become scared. And they say, What if people see me? What if they don’t like me? And my immediate response is, they are seeing you all day long. That is you. That’s what you look like. That’s what you sound like. They’ve been seen that for 30 years, 20 years? years. It’s like, it’s nothing new. So Right. It’s like,

57:09

people aren’t used to it. Right? Right.

Mostafa Hosseini  57:13

So a couple of things. I really liked what you said, what you said, take yourself out of the equation and let go. I really like that huge, huge, you that is huge. And otherwise says I’m just there to hold space for them. And they will just do what they are. It’s like you’re again, you’re taking yourself out of the equation and holding space, and they will do what they are supposed to as they want. They want to love

Heather Dempsey  57:40

1. Yeah, the most powerful thing as a coach, because if we go into it with an agenda or thinking that we’re the one doing it, then there’s an agenda and an action plan, and it’s not going to work. There’s magic and what can unfold when we don’t go in with expectation.

Mostafa Hosseini  57:54

Absolutely. Love it. Now, Heather, if you had a Facebook or Google ad, where everyone

Mostafa Hosseini  58:03

could see your ad,

Mostafa Hosseini  58:06

what would your message for people of Earth be?

Heather Dempsey  58:10

Oh my gosh, I haven’t done ad yet. So I haven’t even thought of that kind of stuff. Um

Heather Dempsey  58:21

think that this past year, I’ve had a lot of reflection on how incredibly powerful we are. Even though the majority of the time we can feel insignificant. And so I’m, I’m really feeling so pulled to help people understand that they have to show up, they have to show up people need them to show up. And so it’d be something about like, you’re more powerful than your Do you understand? And like, if it was an ad, and here’s the you know, here’s the way for you to unlock that. I don’t know.

Mostafa Hosseini  58:56

So, the message is, you’re more powerful.

Heather Dempsey  58:59

Yeah, then you might understand. Yeah.

Mostafa Hosseini  59:04

Click here to, to learn more.

Heather Dempsey  59:09

That’s a fun question.

Mostafa Hosseini  59:13

Cool, love it. Love that message. You are more powerful than you understand. Or I would say you’re more powerful than you give yourself credit for. Yeah,

Heather Dempsey  59:22

that’s nicer. That’s worded nicer. Somebody would accept that and be less defensive. I love it.

Mostafa Hosseini  59:31

There is your there’s your marketing message.

59:35

Yeah.

Heather Dempsey  59:38

I know. I will. I probably will.

Mostafa Hosseini  59:39

Here’s the master class to fix that. All right. So what advice would you give your 20 year old self?

Heather Dempsey  59:49

You are more powerful than you give yourself credit for. Yeah, like tap into it. Be okay with it. Explore what that’s like to feel good enough. Just trust that things will be okay. I have too much advice for my 20 year old self. She needs she needs some advice.

Mostafa Hosseini  1:00:11

Yeah. Love it. Love it. Heather. This has been an absolutely amazing conversation. Is there anything that you’d like to add that we maybe we didn’t get a chance to talk about? Before we wrap up? I

Heather Dempsey  1:00:23

was just delightful. I love the questions that you asked, I think that I would just want to add, like, don’t stop the work, no matter how challenging it gets, there is a solution to all of it. And it’s inside, you just have to uncover it. That’s all. That’s it. And it sounds easier. But it can be easy. Don’t give up. Love it. Love

Mostafa Hosseini  1:00:44

1. Love it. Thank you for joining me, thank you for joining her and sharing your wisdom with me and with our audience here, gang. If you’re watching the listening, go to the link in the comments or descriptions of the show to get access to Heather’s live without limitations masterclass. And do reach out to her if you have any blocks limitations or any internal blockages that you know, for a fact or even if you’re not sure that there’s something in there, which there usually is. So reach out and have a conversation.

And she is super nice and lovely to have a conversation with. And you know, honestly, here’s my experience, the longer you hold on doing that kind of work, the longer it will, it will hurt you. And it will cost you more and he will make you unhappy and miserable. And the rest of it. While with sometimes with a 10 minute conversation or whatever shorter. You could have some major aha moments and remove some blockages there. Right? Yeah.

1:01:51

Yeah. Like she was. Yeah. Totally. Go ahead.

Heather Dempsey  1:01:57

I was just gonna say like, it’s in that sense of if you have people that you love, you’re not doing it for you do it for them. Exactly.

Mostafa Hosseini  1:02:04

Yeah. If you have, yeah, if you have people you love, do it for them. And then you’ll get to love yourself and more. I guess once you do that, as usual, please like and subscribe to the show on whichever channel you’re watching. If you have questions for me or Heather, put them in a comment and or send us an email reach out to us, the links are out there. And we’ll be happy to answer your questions.

If you have a any friends, which everyone that is watching or listening should have a friend that has blockages like if we have if had to raise a hand, I will probably raise both of my hands and my feet too. For the number of people that could use Heather’s will help tag them as a tag them in the comments below. Don’t tell them you need help tell them you probably would benefit. Watch these what these guys are saying hear.

It’s interesting. I listened to it or watch it and it was interesting. So you can reach out and share the knowledge and experience with them as well. And that’s that please don’t forget to rate our show and subscribe to our show on whichever channel you’re watching, especially in the podcast, Apple, Spotify and the rest of it. And we’ll see you on the next episode. My name is Mostafa Hosseini. Thank you for joining me and Heather. And we’ll see you later. Thank you, Heather.

1:03:30

Thank you. Bye now